Best of the Gore Gazette - Page 3

#54 - THE EVIL DEAD: Despite the fact that it's endorsed by fat dork / talent-less cretin Stephen King, The Evil Dead is a unique, highly effective shocker which will undoubtedly cop the G.G. Film of the year award for 1983. It makes last year's winner Dr. Butcher, M.D. look like an anemic psychological thriller by comparison.         

1990: THE BRONX WARRIORS: This film marks the late Vic Morrow's next-to-last role and is almost worth seeing for the sake of one brief sequence that is in such bad taste it's almost unbelievable that it survived the final release print. After his first unsuccessful attempt at rescuing the heiress Morrow begs her father for another chance…he agrees with the stern warning "Go! Try again! But if you fail I'll have your head!"

#55 -
SEVEN (1979): …What follows is a slick, violent, often hilarious array of shot-gunnings, kung-fu, topless nubiles, laser bazookas, racial slurs, inflatable love dolls, degenerate lechery, skateboarding and dead surfers. Seven is a classic example of the "set `em up, shoot `em down and blow `em up" school of filmmaking.

#56 - Editorial: On May 20, the notorious I Spit on Your Grave was booked as the co-feature at the Fabian Theatre with Gates of Hell. What professed to be one of the hottest bills of the season wilted quickly when  (the manager) took a squint at Spit. Instead of seeing the lovely Camille Keaton carving up gonads of sundry attackers with a hatchet, he found the film to be concerned with life on an American Indian reservation. A quick call to an area film archivist confirmed that the flick being shown was an old 1971 opus known as The Legend of Hillbilly John…. some skunk had lopped off a portion of Spit's actual credits and spliced them into the bogus print, making off with the real film for his personal use…

       ( At the end of this issue original one sheets on sale for $8.00 each include Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill!  and Ilsa: She-Wolf of the S.S. - insert jaw-dropping sound fx here! - J4HI )

#57 - (The "Gandhi / Tales From the Crypt" Double-Bill : As the story goes GG publisher Rick Sullivan was a booker for the Fabian theater  - a sleazy slice of 42nd street nestled in Paterson, New Jersey. Every program was a double-bill. The patrons expected nothing less. But how do you put a 2nd feature with the epic 3 hour long Gandhi without losing time and money? Easy, take 1973's episodic "Tales From the Crypt Pt 2"  and snip out a few stories so it runs in at about 1 hour instead of 1:23. Then stick it on the Gandhi double-bill for a perfect 4hr combo. How many Gandhi fans stayed around for Tales From the Crypt we'll never know - J4HI )

#57 -
Gandhi / Tales From the Crypt Pt 2 double-feature )

(In Issue #57 Rick announces finding a new home for the G.G. film series. The aptly named NYC club "
The Dive" will host many booze-fueled gore and sleaze screenings. Check out these rare Dive Flyers to see what you missed. - J4HI )

#60 - Editorial: T.V. Mikels was in town a few weeks ago for a personal appearance at the G.G. Film Festival held every Thursday at "The Dive" in Manhattan. T.V. premiered The Doll Squad with Tura Satana to a packed house and then fielded questions for over an hour. Thanks to all G.G readers for making the night a resounding success!    

YOR, HUNTER FROM THE FUTURE: (Reb) Brown is now forced to doff a long, platinum wig and run around in a loincloth, fighting prehistoric monsters and ape men in a search to discover his origin…Brown's awful acting coupled with an anachronistic disco soundtrack and some surprising Dr. Butcher-ish dinosaur slaughters snuck in on the sly by Anthony Dawson add up to make Yor a laugh riot.               
CUJO: …the biggest flaw of Cujo is the fact that no matter how much shaving cream is applied to his snout or yellow paint to his tear ducts, a big, dumb-looking St. Bernard is just not frightening! At every terror scene in the film, Cujo reminds one of similar historic comedic canines such as those seen in My Three Sons and Please Don't Eat the Daisies and is more apt to induce guffaws than screams.

#61 -
HELL'S ANGELS FOREVER: …They may not be accurate but I'll take Peter Fonda, William Smith, The Wild Angels, The Losers and "Davie Allen and The Arrows" over Sonny Barger, Sandy Alexander, "The Grateful Dead" and Hell's Angels Forever any day.      

A BOY AND HIS DOG:  The wily Terry Levine of Aquarius Releasing is responsible for the wildest title change ever: fearing that the re-release of the 1978 curio A Boy and His Dog would generate low response on 42nd St's action track, the sly Mr. L. has changed the marquee title for that engagement only to A Psycho Boy and His Killer Dog, Blood.

#62 -

#63 - LOVELY BUT DEADLY: Grade-Z production and cornball acting add to the charm of this unusual exploitation quickie…Lovely flattens creep after creep with some of the most awkward karate moves ever committed to celluloid, while her chaste, squeaky-clean beau performs wimpoid rock ballads that would make Jerry Falwell smile.     

THE KEEP: …This force turns out to be a creature that looks like a rubbery Infra-Man reject who does battle with Scott Glenn, a mysterious anti-hero entity who does little more throughout the film than to look somber and occasionally make his eyes glow lavender.

#64 -
SCARFACE: Along the way, De Palma packs Scarface full of enough gratuitous violence, sleazy profanity and preposterous storyline that one wonders how Universal Pictures was ever talked into laying out $20 million plus for what is essentially an overblown 42nd St. exploitationer.     

WAR OF THE WIZARDS: 21st Century, N.Y.'s own scurrilous sleaze distributors, are up to their old title-switching tactics again. Taking an old Japanese children's fantasy film originally know as The Phoenix, 21st has re-titled it War of the Wizards and devised an ad campaign billing Richard Kiel (Eegah!) falsely as the star of the film that purports to be "better than Clash of the Titans"    

MORTUARY: (this was written just after Christopher George's untimely death - J4HI ) Although poked fun at by many critics of all circles, Christopher George will be sorely missed (especially by fans of the horror genre) for his steadfast trooper-esque performances in so many terrible directionless films of miniscule budget. Had he survived, perhaps he could have carved a comfortable niche for himself by inheriting the mantle of the "soon-to-kick" John Carradine, a similar celluloid scavenger who is endeared to us all.    

WARRIORS OF THE WASTELAND: Starring Fred Williamson as the token American amidst a cast of hundreds of homogenous guidos, Warriors spins the sordid tale of the Death Templars, a post-holocaust group of psychotic homosexuals out to exterminate the survivors left on earth. Pitted against them are Fred and an Italian muscle head who resembles Liberace.

     (Posters for sale at $8.00: They Came From Within and H.G. Lewis' Just For the Hell Of It! - J4HI)

#65 -
RUNNING HOT: Newcomer Monica Carrico as the hooker seems homely and annoying at first but soon wins the audience over with her quirky " whore w/ a heart of gold" personality as does Eric Stoltz's portrayal of the persecuted, freckled teen who resembles a 17-year old "Imus in the morning".    

BOARDING HOUSE: Thank West Coast shyster Howard Willette for this dubious innovation: the first gore video transferred to 35mm for theatrical release. This process has been used in porno movies for some time now, but only serves to make Boarding a slapdash, no-budget mess that looks like it was throw together over a weekend for a fast buck by a group of brain-damaged drug addicts.        

SHOCKING ASIA: …culminating in Asia's highlight: an on-screen graphic look at a sex change operation in modern China. Patrons of 42nd St.'s Liberty Theatre uniformly recoiled in disgust at the sight of a grimy Asian physician lopping off the penis of some guy with all the finesse of a salad girl chopping carrots. 

#65 -

#66 - ALLEY CAT: Yeow!! G.G. readers should be advised that this review may be prejudiced by the fact that I found Karen Mani, the star, to be the finest piece of trim I've laid my eyes on in many a moon…        

5 ANGRY WOMEN: This curio popped up for one day only at 42nd St.'s posh Rivoli Theatre on a double bill with Don Dohler's Grade-Z extravaganza The Alien Factor. Made way back in 1974, Women is a poverty row W.I.P. quickie that attempts to mimic the better made New World sagas (Caged Heat, etc) that were popular at the time. Inept acting, inaudible sound and the ugliest five cows ever committed to celluloid makes this a must-see for fans of Ed Wood-style "so awful it's good" turdsville cinema only!

#67 - 10 VIOLENT WOMEN: …Sadly belying it's own title, 10 contains little violence, no gore and is so confusing that it's 97min running time is sheer torture to endure. Even at nudity poor T.V. (Mikels) shows he's in the Stone Age by having all the women in prison take showers with their bras and panties on! Come on, what's the "R" rating doing on this dud? G.G. readers would do well to send Mikels some current issues of Hustler magazine so that he can see just how far the public tastes have advanced in 14 years!      

FLESHBURN: Remember those old black & white Monogram Grade -C adventure quickies from the `30's and `40's where, save for a few Ubangi attacks and a few menacing snakes or spiders, nothing really happens? Imagine the same as a color film, 90mins in length with a few strategic "Fuck You"s for an `80's update and you get a pretty good idea of Fleshburn, a grueling exercise in tedium.

       (Posters for sale in issue #67 include: Last House on the Left and Goke, Body Snatcher from Hell. $8.00 a piece - J4HI )

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